DEATH JOKES

DEATH JOKES

http://tophumorblog.blogspot.com/

If your wife and your lawyer were drowning and you had to choose,
would you go to lunch or to the cinema?

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First guy proudly: "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

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A life long supporter of the labour party was lying on his death bed
when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party. "But why?" asked his
puzzled friend, "You're labour through and through… Why change now?"
The man leaned forward and explained, "Well, I'd rather it was one of
them that died and not one of us."

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Do you know what the death rate around here is?

One per person.

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The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and
nobody laughs at you.

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A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them
falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are
rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency
services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I
do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can
help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back
on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

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A bunch of guy's were working on a 50 story construction site, a guy
working at the top acciddently knocked a brick off the 50th story,
when looking down he saw that his boss was in line for the brick to
land on his noggin and briskly yelled, "Falling Brick". The boss
looked up after hearing the yell and moved to one side as the brick
crashed to the ground.

The boss looked up at the wroker and yelled, "A $100 bonus for you laddy".

Another guy working a floor below had observed what went down with the
brick and decided he'd have a go for a $100 bonus, the problem was he
was a bit of a stutterer, as he kicked the brick off the side of the
building he looked down and yelled with a loud voice,
fffffffffffffffff "FUCK HE'S DEAD"

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I
suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting
for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm
never going to stand in line again!"

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